It was one of those nights like almost every night with homework. Ella fidgets, slouches and lazily lets her pencil drop to the floor as she squirms in her chair. I am frustrated and getting more and more angry with each drop of her pencil. Then I say things. I say things I wish I wouldn't have said later. I have a mean tone and I degrade rather than uplift. "Ella, what is wrong with you? Sit up...sit up. Think think think! Ella, come on!!" Usually she replies with a ho hum attitude or a whine or a grump. This time instead she started rapidly slapping her fore head with her hand and saying ""Brain, brain come out of the party!" Stop partying!" To which I replied... "Your brain is at a party Ella?" To which she replied, "Yes, come out out!, I don't know how to stop the party."
This was at the beginning of last year, and things haven't changed much. We have been meeting with her teacher throughout the year and have been trying all year to figure out what to do and how to help her. She was seeing the school's behavioral therapist once a week. Her teacher would tell me she is lost, overwhelmed and unable to focus. She is not meeting the "grade level standards" required for students in first grade. Her work is sloppy and she is just not interested. Last week we attended a SST or School Support team to talk about Ella. The team is made up of the principal (who knows nothing of Ella), Ella's teacher, the school psychologist, the speech therapist and resource specialist. At the end of the meeting we decided we would have her monitored and tested at the beginning of the next school year and then implement a "plan" that could help Ella excel. Sitting in that meeting I felt like Harold in that scene from Harold in Maude where his uncle is trying to convince him to join the army. It felt stringent and formulaic. The principal and resource guy were totally tuned out (they are retiring at the end of the year so why should they put an ounce of effort in). The school psychologist seemed to care somewhat but appeared as if he was just going down his list of questions. The only person there that really extended any effort was her teacher. Even still I left the meeting feeling disappointed and confused.
My moment of clarity came last night at 2am. Why is my child being labeled as a "problem" as if we need to figure out what is wrong with her. There is nothing wrong with her. Yeah she writes her letters backwards and can't read well. But she will. I know she will in her own time. She is a bright six year old with a creative, curious mind. She is simply just not ready emotionally to be sitting still in a chair memorizing things and filling out boring worksheets. Frankly I don't blame her. All this anxiety she is feeling from not succeeding in this environment is unnecessary. Many kids fit the mold of a public school just fine, but Ella does not. I feel as if her creative being and sense of wonderment and her interest in learning is being stifled.
So what now? I feel I have given our public school two years and that is good for me. It has just never felt right. I'm not going to pull her out now with 4 weeks left, so we will just finish out the year and have an awesome summer. We are wait listed at Los Feliz Charter School for the Arts. The environment there is more progresssive and they focus on project-based curriculum. We were accepted last year we just never wanted to make the commute to West Hollywood. Thankfully they are moving closer to us this next year so the commute would be more bearable. If she doesn't get in there, I think we will join a homeschooling group and get her involved in alot of extra curricular activities and such. My dear friend Chanelle inspires me. She is homeschooling her kids and she sent me this link to a speech given by Sir Ken Robinson. He argues that creativity is as important as literacy. That we should nurture it instead of undermining it. Here is an excerpt from the bio...
Why don't we get the best out of people? Sir Ken Robinson argues that it's because we've been educated to become good workers, rather than creative thinkers. Students with restless minds and bodies -- far from being cultivated for their energy and curiosity -- are ignored or even stigmatized, with terrible consequences. "We are educating people out of their creativity,"
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